Baby Nurses All Night Long? How to Decide on Night Weaning (From a Breastfeeding Mom of Seven)

Breastfeeding mom of seven and baby sleep consultant Sarah Mann introduces two proven, gentle night weaning approaches from respected experts and shows you when you and your baby are ready for each one. Plus, you'll get 10 practical tips for night weaning your baby.

You are sooo tired! Your baby nurses all night long, and you're starting to wonder whether breastfeeding is helping or hurting your family's sleep. Maybe you'd love to night wean, but you're not sure it's the right thing for your little one?

Today you'll get answers to these questions.

In this article, I'll show you the signs that tell you both you and your baby are ready to stop night nursing and all-night comfort sucking. You'll also get a detailed side-by-side comparison of two proven night weaning strategies from two "gentle" experts (the Gordon method and the Pantley method), so you can decide with confidence which path is right for you.

(By the way, I breastfed all seven of my children for one to two years each.)

Ready for more sleep? Let's get started.

Night Weaning Your Baby – When Is My Baby Ready?

There's no fixed rule for exactly when a baby is ready to be weaned. Experts recommend breastfeeding for at least 6 months. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises waiting until at least the first birthday before weaning completely. Many consider a time frame of 1 to 2 years ideal.

Naturally, families can wean earlier or later depending on their own preferences and circumstances. Your baby's age, your family situation, how you're doing emotionally and sleep deprivation are the big factors to weigh. There is no right or wrong.

When Can a Baby Get Through the Night Without Nursing or Food?

Here's what we know:

• As early as 3 to 4 months, you can gently work on stretching the time between night feeds, which leads to longer stretches of sleep.
• A baby from 6 months can absolutely be night weaned while still breastfeeding during the day (even exclusively, if you like).
• By 5 to 6 months at the latest, typically developing babies can go at least 6 to 8 hours at night without a feed. Officially, this already counts as "sleeping through the night" for babies.
• Doctors assume that by 9 to 12 months at the latest, a baby no longer needs calories or milk at night to grow and develop healthily.

A Look Beyond Our Own Backyard – A Short Detour

In many English-speaking countries, it's widely assumed that a baby can sleep through the whole night, meaning 11 to 12 hours, by 6 months at the latest (yes, breastfed babies too).

Many sleep training programs there start as early as 4 to 5 months. Some well-known experts and authors set the bar even lower, and their books remain popular, especially in the US (Ezzo and Bucknam's "On Becoming Babywise," Suzy Giordano's "Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old," and others).

Even though I personally don't support these methods at all, they show just how wide the range of approaches is. In the US and in France, many moms go back to work when their baby is around 4 months old. That calls for different solutions than in places where mothers stay home longer.

In other cultures, on the other hand, babies are breastfed well beyond 2 years, and the child takes the lead in weaning.

So: A lot of what we consider "normal" is shaped by culture.

The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mom

Many moms feel a huge expectation to be the "perfect" mom, both from within and from the world around them. But looking at other cultures shows something freeing: Many different ways are normal and can be lived out in a healthy, loving way.

That means you are absolutely allowed to find your own way when it comes to weaning and sleeping through the night!

Making the Decision – What's Right for Us?

One question that often helps: Could I keep up the level I'm running at right now with another child?

Often the answer is "No" (that's how it was for me). And if so, it can't be normal or healthy to battle sleep deprivation, overwhelm and exhaustion around the clock just because a few modern books tell us this is "normal," "wonderful" and "the best thing" for our child.

Bottom line: In most cases, it really is possible to teach babies from a few months of age to meet their calorie needs during the day. This does not harm their development. (This doesn't necessarily apply to preemies or babies with low weight, though!)

Baby Nurses All Night Long! But Why? – What Sleeping Through the Night Depends On

If your little one has also turned into an all-night comfort nurser, you may be wondering how it ever got to this point.

First, some reassurance: Not every baby becomes an all-night nurser, but it's far from rare. How your child's sleep develops has a lot to do with their temperament, brain development and personality. All babies need nourishment, closeness and security, but not all of them ask for it nonstop.

It's estimated that around 25% of all babies develop significant sleep problems.

Babies who nurse all night usually have a hard time gliding through the different sleep stages (light and deep sleep) and sleep cycles (40 to 50 minutes long in a baby). Instead, they sleep more restlessly, wake up constantly and loudly demand whatever they're used to for falling asleep and staying asleep. In the vast majority of cases, that's the breast (or being carried in your arms).

Self-Soothing

A study by Burnham (2002) followed 80 infants through their first year and found that, as early as a few months of age, three major factors predict how well a child will have developed the ability to self-soothe by their first birthday. (Here, self-soothing means moving from one sleep cycle into the next without a parent's help, and so gradually being able to sleep through the night.)

According to this study, the 3 most important factors that predict whether a baby will sleep through the night at 1 year are:

• How much time did the child spend in their own crib during the first year? Children who learn early to sleep on their own get far more chances to practice self-soothing.
• How much time did the baby spend in quiet sleep right from the start? In other words, what signs of early, mature brain development do they show?
• How quickly do parents respond when the baby wakes up? Do they wait a moment and give their baby time to practice a little self-soothing?

Other studies found links to the parents' attachment style, to sleep aids, to maternal depression and to the child's temperament.

So all-night comfort nursing seems to depend on many factors, and some of them (brain development and personality) are largely outside our control.

The sleeping arrangement also seems to play a big role. Babies who sleep in a family bed or right next to their mother reportedly wake up more often. Other studies, however, claim to have found exactly the opposite: less waking and more deep sleep at 6 months of age.

Why Are Babies Supposedly Able to Give Up Comfort Nursing From 6 Months?

The age of six months isn't pulled out of thin air. It's based on many years of research into early childhood development.

Experts have found that the development of the autonomic nervous system, which is needed for self-regulation and managing emotions, advances enormously during the last trimester of pregnancy and a baby's first six months of life.

This means that by 6 months, the brain has usually matured enough that babies no longer need to be calmed only by outside input (especially nursing, a bottle, sucking or being carried around), but are increasingly able to calm themselves, or to learn how.

And that's the key requirement for moving between sleep cycles without waking up.

So by 6 months at the latest, babies can learn to sleep through the night!

And even little all-night nursers can learn to sleep without the breast in their mouth.

Baby Only Wants to Nurse at Night – When Is It Okay to Say "Enough Is Enough"?

When a baby nurses all night long, many moms go through a whirlwind of feelings and thoughts: Yes, it's beautiful, and you'd love to give your little one this closeness and the deep certainty that you're always there for them.

At the same time, many moms, especially those with older babies, say they are completely exhausted, tense all over and overwhelmed, or even close to breaking down.

Simple answers like "Breastfeeding is important. Why are you making such a fuss?" and "Keep going, this is totally normal!" really don't cut it here.

An Australian study found that almost half of all mothers of babies and toddlers who seek help from a sleep clinic or sleep consultant are already in the clinically relevant range for depression, triggered by severe sleep deprivation!

This matches my many years of experience in sleep consulting and in supporting countless exhausted moms (and dads) who reached out to me full of love and desperation.

How Can I Night Wean My Baby? – 10 Practical Tips

Are you and your baby ready for the next step? These strategies can help you cut back on night feeds:

1. Let Your Baby Drink and Eat Plenty During the Day

For your baby to sleep better at night, it's important that they drink enough during the day and, depending on their age, eat enough too.

As babies get older, they become more and more active and are easily distracted. So make sure you keep regular feeding times during the day (roughly every 2 to 3 hours, with longer gaps as your baby gets older) and that your little one really drinks well at those times.

From 4 to 6 months at the latest, set times and rituals, and especially a calm, distraction-free place to nurse, can make a big difference.

2. Offer a Big Feed in the Evening

Make sure your baby starts the night with a full tummy so they don't wake up from hunger too soon.

(For younger babies, offer several extra feeds spread across the evening. For older babies, one good feed with enough time since the previous one is enough, whether that's nursing or solids.)

3. Find Other Ways to Soothe

Babies often keep waking up frequently simply out of habit. Many aren't really hungry; they just want a little "snack."

In that case, it can help to introduce other ways of soothing, such as stroking, singing, gentle patting, a pacifier, rocking and so on.

4. Separate Nursing From Falling Asleep

In most cases, one of the most important steps toward sleeping through the night is gently phasing out nursing as the way your baby falls asleep.

Nurse about 15 minutes before sleep and find consistent rituals for calming your baby afterward and helping them fall asleep (for example, a lullaby, carrying them, or practicing falling asleep lying down). For a detailed walkthrough of this step, take a look at our article on weaning off nursing to sleep.

5. Introduce a "Dream Feed"

Gently rouse your baby for one more full feed before you go to bed yourself, for example at 10:30 PM.

6. Don't Wean During Times of Change

Right before a vacation, when your baby is about to start daycare, a new sibling is on the way, or you're about to go back to work, it's not a great time to start the weaning process.

The same goes if your baby is struggling with teething pain or a cold.

7. Keep Night Feeds Short and Calm

Keep every night feed as calm and as short as possible (and necessary).

Be as "boring" as you can and skip the extra cuddles that make waking up even more appealing.

8. Wait a Moment Before Responding at Night

It sounds crazy, but this simple tip can make a real difference (see the study mentioned above): When your baby wakes at night, give them a gradually increasing number of seconds or minutes to calm down and learn to find their way back to sleep without your help.

If you stick with this consistently, you may soon be amazed to find that your baby often goes back to sleep after a little fussing and doesn't need to nurse at all.

(If your baby immediately starts crying loudly, this strategy isn't a good fit for you, or you should increase the waiting time only very slowly.)

9. Make a Plan

Weaning can happen quickly or slowly. It depends a lot on your situation, how often you nurse right now, your child's age, and what exactly you want.

It's a good idea to set goals and make a plan, and then follow through. How and when do you want to wean? How long should the transition take, and when do you want to drop individual night feeds?

10. Consider a Gentle, Structured Approach to Sleep Learning

If your child nurses all night long, it's very likely they've simply gotten used to comfort nursing without actually being hungry all the time.

At this point, you can consider a gentle, structured approach to sleep learning, so your little one learns to move between sleep cycles on their own and you can all finally sleep through the night.

One loving option is the CLA Method (Cry in Loving Arms), where your baby is held and accompanied the whole time, never left alone, while learning a new way to fall asleep.

Night Weaning With Pantley or Gordon – How Does It Work and Which Is Better?

If you're looking for a clear, gentle plan for night weaning, I'd like to introduce two popular methods from two "gentle" baby experts.

1. Night weaning with Elizabeth Pantley, suitable for babies from 4 to 6 months
2. Night weaning with Dr. Jay Gordon, for babies from 12 months
3. A comparison of both methods and my recommendations

1. Night Weaning With Elizabeth Pantley (for Babies From 4 to 6 Months)

Elizabeth Pantley believes there has to be a middle ground between "cry it out" or the Ferber method on one side and the often crushing sleep deprivation moms face from constant night waking and nursing on the other.

Her goal is to meet the needs of both mothers and children while getting more sleep for everyone. With her gentle method, she shows how babies from 4 months can learn to fall asleep and stay asleep more independently.

How It Works

If your baby only knows the breast as a way to fall asleep, her method is made for you.

Pantley focuses primarily on nursing to sleep and nursing back to sleep.

She recommends consistently and gently removing the breast (or bottle or pacifier). That means you nurse your baby until they are almost asleep, but release their mouth from the breast just before they drift off.

This works best if you slide your little finger into the corner of their mouth to break the suction. It also helps to gently hold their chin up so their mouth closes. You do the same every time they wake up at night.

How Your Baby Learns

Step by step, your child learns to fall asleep on their own without sucking, until you can soothe them with touch and eventually with just your voice.

Night after night, you remove the breast a tiny moment earlier.

If your baby cries, you can nurse again and then try once more to remove the breast a little earlier than usual.

The goal is for your baby to learn to fall asleep without sucking, so they can also learn to move between sleep cycles without sucking and without waking up. And yes, that can mean practicing "nurse → remove → nurse → remove…" 10, 20 or 30 times at every waking during the first few nights, until your child accepts falling asleep without the breast in their mouth. Consistency is key.

This plan can be adapted to your child's age and needs and worked through at different speeds.

Who Is This Method Right For?

This method works for very young babies who aren't ready for real sleep coaching yet (from about 3 to 4 months). It helps build more helpful sleep habits than constant comfort nursing and nursing to sleep.

It's a good choice for parents who want to avoid tears completely and who have the time and energy to night wean very gradually.

It's also used successfully with older babies and toddlers, although this often takes more patience and energy.

Who Is This Method Not Right For?

This method isn't a good fit for moms who don't have the strength or time to follow through consistently. It takes several weeks or even months and requires a lot of patience, even in the middle of the night.

If you're caring for several children or you're already exhausted, a faster, clearer method may serve you better.

Experiences With the Pantley Method

Here are some experiences from parents who have used this method:

"We've been following the plan for 3 nights, and I have to say, hats off to this method. … Last night was already great: my son almost always accepted the nipple being taken away without protest and fell right back asleep, with his cloth diaper over his eyes, and slept for 2 to 3 hours, all in the family bed, which I didn't change. Before, it was often nonstop comfort nursing with him waking up as often as every hour."

"There's no scientific evidence for the method, just one single private study whose results didn't match our experience at all (in the example, the mother takes her baby off the breast 5 times before they fall asleep; for us, even after three weeks, it was never fewer than 50 times!)"

"My son (9 months) was awake at least every hour at night and wanted to nurse. I've now been using some of the tips consistently for about two weeks, and for about 3 days he's been falling asleep in the evening without being carried, nursed, rocked or anything like that (I just need to be there). For the past two nights, he has also been sleeping much better at night… And all without crying."

"After sticking to the author's plan for three weeks, our nights were even worse. He wouldn't let me put him down at all and only slept in my arms or on my lap."

(Based on Elizabeth Pantley, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution")

2. Night Weaning With Dr. Jay Gordon – for Babies From 12 Months

American pediatrician Dr. Jay Gordon developed a 10-night plan for night weaning, which he recommends from 1 year of age.

How Does It Work?

Dr. Jay Gordon believes that children need security and closeness at night. His night weaning method is also considered gentle, but it follows a clear 10-night structure.

The goal is a 7-hour break from nursing. For the rest of the night, you can keep nursing and cuddling as before.

To begin, you choose a clear 7-hour window during which you no longer want to nurse, for example from 8:00 PM to 3:00 AM or from 10:30 PM to 5:30 AM. Outside of this window, you can keep nursing your child to sleep and when they wake up, just as you're used to.

Nights 1–3

You still nurse as usual when your child is hungry, but you take them off the breast quickly as soon as they're only sucking and not (or no longer) really drinking. Instead, you soothe them with physical closeness.

Big protests are normal. The goal is for your child not to fall asleep at the breast, while still getting all the closeness and security they need.

Nights 4–6

From now on, your child is no longer nursed during the 7-hour window. You can do anything else to soothe them (singing, saying "shhh," stroking, resting your hand on them, even carrying them around).

What matters is giving lots of closeness while staying consistent. For breastfeeding moms, it can make sense for dad to take over this job now.

Nights 7–10

You do much the same as in nights 4 to 6, but now you should definitely stay lying down. That means no more carrying, and physical contact should be reduced further. You can still talk, sing, stroke or rest your hand on your child.

Your child will learn to calm down this way, too.

You can be sure that your child feels your love and affection, even if they react with frustration and anger at first because you've taken away their beloved nursing habit.

And After That?

You can still briefly touch and talk to your child when they wake up, but try to keep these interactions to a minimum. Sometimes it takes a few more nights, and occasionally a week or longer, before your child starts sleeping through those 7 hours.

Who Is This Method Right For?

For children from one year old (although as a sleep consultant, I'd say it's perfectly fine from 6 months as well).

For parents who have firmly decided to introduce a 7-hour nursing break and sleeping through the night.

You need to expect protest and tears. But you can be confident that your closeness and presence give your child the security they need right now; they are accompanied the whole time, never left alone. With enough consistency and patience on your part, your child will be able to adjust quickly.

Who Is This Method Not Right For?

If you can't cope with tears and crying, don't choose this method, because they're hard to avoid (with the exception of some very adaptable children, and there are always surprise successes with this approach).

If you're undecided. In that case, your child will most likely "win."

If your energy is running very low and you need a faster, clearer approach, and perhaps also want to get your child used to their own room. Then, from one year of age, you may well be better served by the chair method.

Some children also need space (meaning their own crib) to learn to sleep through the night, and get even more worked up by constant physical contact.

Experiences With the Gordon Method

Here are some experiences from parents who have used this method:

"I'm a dad. When we night weaned, I went to our son instead of my wife. He cried a little and wasn't happy that I came instead of mom, but I was there to comfort him. Each night he settled a little faster, and within a week his night waking had dropped noticeably."

"We night weaned at about 20 months… It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard or as awful as I expected. My daughter and I had a talk about how all of us, child, dad, mom and breasts, need rest all night long. And if you wake up at any point and feel sad or scared, mom or dad will be there, and we can cuddle or rub your back, but my breasts need their rest… It took one to two weeks for her to stop reaching for them desperately."

"So it's been several days since we finished the 10-day gradual process, and it's amazing how quickly she went back to sleeping through the night and stopped needing to nurse or cuddle when she wakes up… She just needed help learning another way to fall asleep.

I like Dr. Gordon's line about promising your baby all the good things you can do together once you get enough rest. It's true: I'm a much more fun mom when I'm not exhausted… I think I'm also nursing her more during the day than before, because I want her to understand the difference between daytime (nurse, nurse, nurse!) and mom's night rest (the breasts go to sleep)."

Night Weaning: Which Way Is Best?

Now you're probably wondering which way is best for you. In my experience, moms have a very good intuition about which method they can realistically carry out and which one suits their child better. Trust it!

Feel free to adapt any of these methods to your own ideas and experiences.

I wouldn't go by age alone, because in my view Gordon's method, or something very similar, can also be used from around 6 months. However, babies (and toddlers) often cry more and longer when they're lying next to their parents rather than in their own bed (even if that isn't what parents would ideally like). So it's worth thinking about what you want and how you can best help your child.

In general, the Pantley method is a good place to start. For example, you could try it for a few days and then switch to the Gordon method over the weekend.

Which method is better depends a lot on your parenting approach, your energy level and, above all, your child's personality. If you have an "all or nothing" baby, the Pantley method will take too long and may not work at all. In that case, faster methods like Gordon's, or other attachment-focused sleep coaching methods, are a better fit. For other babies, Pantley's approach can be the perfect solution.

I'd also recommend extending the Gordon method, because your child doesn't wear a watch and has no idea whether it's 4:00 AM or already 5:30 AM, and therefore nursing-allowed time. From one year at the latest, the vast majority of children sleep much better when night nursing is cut down to no feeds at all, or at most one (at the start of the night, when mom goes to bed). The 7-hour limit seems rather counterproductive to me, for both mom and child.